This is my first blog so I'm new at this. Today Windy got to see her daddy after 3 days because he was in North Carolina. Last night we got to video chat and Windy heard her dad's voice and she started jerking her head around trying to find him. It was pretty humorous.
Tuesday will make 7 weeks since Windy has been born. I thought that it would be neat to tell Windy's birth story publicly now since things have settled in since shes been born and I have some time to do so.
As many may know, Eastern Kentucky lacks midwives and ob's. A lot of practices around here have a physician that basically calls the shots and facilitates the way a woman has her baby. Last June I notice that my body was developing strange changes. I have never had a normal cycle so when I was late I didn't dwell on the possibility of being pregnant. Nothing was really unusual about the day that I woke up and thought that I needed to take a pregnancy test. It was like my body was pulling me to take action and recognize what was going on but my mind still oblivious to what was going on. I didn't even process the thought and feeling I had when I decided to drive to Lotts Creek to ask my mom for money for a pregnancy test. It was as if I was making subconscious decisions and not even being aware of it. When I walked into my moms house it started to sink in that I was fearful of being pregnant. I guess that feeling started to sink in because I began to understand the severity of the action I was getting ready to take by letting my mom know my fear. I never asked my mom for money in my entire life because I knew she never had enough to spare so when I asked her for money I knew she was going to ask why and what it was for. I thought about lying, but my mom is known for being able to see right through dishonesty and plus I didn't drive 45 minutes west for money for smokes or food. She would know it was something deeper than that.
I came in and got right to the point. "Mom...I need some money" I thought I would try to keep in short just in case she didn't ask any questions about why I did. Of course she replied and said why? I figured to make it less uncomfortable by beating around the bush or trying to lie, that I would just get straight to the point and I told her I need a pregnancy test. In retrospect I wonder why I chose those words instead of just saying I think I'm pregnant, I need to take a test. I think in my mind I couldn't admit that I thought I was pregnant although needing to take a pregnancy test means that! I was surprised by her reaction because she did not lecture me. She told me to grab her purse and bring it to her then she got two ten dollar bills and 5 ones. We then locked eyes and both shared a moment of worry and concern.
As I was on my way to CVS, my mind would not shut off. Strange enough I was calm and not experiencing much anxiety. But I was thinking about how I would tell Mikie, if I was pregnant. I was role playing in my head over and over again, trying to change the scenario but always ending in the same conclusion, that I was pregnant. When I got to CVS and went down the aisle where all of the pregnancy test were. I started to get anxious and overwhelmed because there were so many different choices. Some test ranged from 15 bucks to 60 bucks and some had 2, 4,6 test in one box, others were competing to be the most accurate test, and some were digital reading. I just needed a test. That's it. Nothing fancy. I grabbed the one that the was suitable enough for me and headed to the checkout counter. I noticed myself carrying the box by my side trying not to make it obvious. The longer I held the box the more anxiety I started to feel. I awkwardly put the box on the counter to check out, got my total, paid and left as fast as I could. When I got back into my car I started to get nauseous so I cranked up the air condition and started to drive. I tried to keep my mind from thinking about the reality of what was going on so I stopped and got a sandwich. When I got back to my moms I went straight to her bathroom. My mom had time to think about what was going on while I was gone, so she had A LOT more to say about the situation once I got back. I took the test out of the box and read then followed the directions. It took only two minutes until the results could be read. I ate my sandwich to pass the time, but did not enjoy it one bit. Once two minutes were up I walked back into the bathroom to read the results. As soon as I seen it, I threw up into the toilet and started to whimper out of fear. My mom heard everything, so she knew the answer. Mikie knew what I was doing down there so he called shortly after I took the test. I wanted to wait to tell him when I got home, but I just couldn't hold that in. Once I got back home me and Mikie discussed our options and decided what we wanted to do.
I went to the health department the next day to take another test and they then set me up an appointment at MCHC for my prenatal care. I didn't have any other options but to get care from that place. And if your poor you have to settle for mediocre help. I got my first ultra sound done the day I went to my appointment at MCHC. According to the ultra sound, I was 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Windy looked like a little bean inside of me. From that day on I went to MCHC until I was 39 weeks pregnant.
During my pregnancy all I did was read, read, read and read some more information about pregnancy, development and stages of fetus, and what to expect at the doctor visits and hospital birthing atmosphere. I informed myself about everything I learned. When I would go to my doctor visits and got to speak with my midwife, I always felt like they didn't have time for my questions or concerns. They would answer them, but they would not go into enough detail that made me feel comfortable enough about what was going on in my pregnancy. From where I read so much information I had a lot of questions and/or statements that I wanted to discuss. Not one time did my midwife or any one in the practice give me advice or tell me what to expect or what to avoid while I was pregnant. If it wasn't for my books I wouldn't have known not to lay on my stomach after 16 weeks, not to travel a lot, or what to expect if I had sex early in my pregnancy, etc... All of these things that went unmentioned at my doctor visits could have resulted in complications with my pregnancy if I didn't inform myself.
I was 10 weeks pregnant the morning I woke up after having sex the night before, and I went into the kitchen to eat some strawberries, then all of a sudden I felt blood coming out. I was in panic of course when I went to the bathroom to see all of the blood. Mikie was an hour away on a film shoot with his group so I was all alone. I automatically assumed that I was having a miscarriage. I was so hysterical I could hardly see to drive myself to the hospital which was only a couple miles down the road. I called Mikie right before I drove to the hospital and my best friend picked him up to meet me there. I went into the emergency room and could hardly speak to the nurse to tell her what was going on. I remember waiting so long for a doctor to come back and talk to me once I was admitted. He started to ask me all kinds questions. "Are you cramping, is the amount of blood more than a period, have you fallen, did you have sex, if so when was the last time?" I told him I had sex the night before and he replied in a foreign accent "you should not have had sex, it is not good to have sex when you're pregnant" I then started to cry out in guilt because of that. In retrospect, I don't understand why he would say that to me before we found out everything was ok. When they took me back for an ultra sound, I was more calm because the nurses told me that if I was not experiencing any cramping or dizziness then I was not miscarrying. I remember being filled with joy once I seen Windy inside me moving and tumbling. Her heart rate was fine. The Doctor told me that from where my cervix was more sensitive now that having sex irritated the vessels on it, which resulted in my bleeding.
That is an example of how much more helpful it would have been if the midwives at MCHC would have told me not to have sex that early, or what to expect if I do have sex.
As I started to get closer to the end of my pregnancy I was reading more about what to expect at the hospital. Me and Mikie enrolled in a lamaze class which informed us on EVERYTHING to expect, and what questions to ask my midwife. In lamaze class, I learned about interventions during labor and birth. I wanted to have a natural labor and delivery without medications or unnecessary interventions. So me and Mikie learned about different pain management techniques. When I went back to my doctor visit at 39 weeks, my midwife asked me how I was feeling and if I wanted to be induced that week. I was shocked because I thought that a women was not to be induced unless it was necessary for the health of her or the baby. When you are induced they use a drug called pitocin which may cause many complications during labor for the baby and mom. Not to mention it makes the contractions 10x harder to handle if your trying to labor without pain medicine. I then started to question the motives of that practice and the doctor. I told my midwife that I wanted to go into labor on my own. She told me that if I did not have my baby by my next doctor visit then they were going to induce me. She said "this practice doesn't tolerate a woman going past 40 weeks". 40 weeks is considered full tern but in many first time pregnancy, women usually go past their due dates, which is OK. When she told me that, my eyes immediately started to fill up with tears and I felt tons of pressure to have Windy in a week. At that point I thought that was my only option until I went to my next lamaze class which was only a couple days after that doctor visit. I told my lamaze coach what was going on and she too was aggravated with that situation. She told me about another midwife which an hour away from our home. There was a chance that the new midwife wouldn't take me as a client from where I was so far along already. But the next day I called and told them my story and she wanted to see me right away. This midwife was everything that I wanted. She agrees with natural childbirth, she supports the woman's choice in how her labor should go, and most importantly she did not agree in elective induction. When I went to see her I was 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant according to ultra sound, and almost 2 centimeters dilated. When I talked to her I felt like she was genuinely interested in my pregnancy and my concerns. I had a healthy low risk pregnancy and she didn't see any reason to induce me at 40 weeks. I let her know how I knew that ultra sound readings are almost always not accurate and that I felt like it would be taking a risk of inducing especially if I really wasn't full term. If you induce a women too early it could most likely result in a cesarean, because pitocin speeds up labor and it makes contractions so hard to handle which then will result in the need of an epidural which can slow down labor, which then causes that baby to be in stress. The midwife and I discussed the risks of going so far past my due date. So we came to the conclusion that if I didn't go into labor by my next doctor visit with her, then we would discuss natural ways of induction. After that visit I felt soooo extremely grateful for her taking me in last minute and being so wonderful.
That week me and mikie packed up our bags and headed to Lotts Creek to stay with my grandmamma. During our stay we tried EVERY thing to naturally induce. I walked around campus, had sex, did squats, ate tons of pineapple, got acupressure done, and the last resort was castor oil. Many women have told me they went into labor this way so I was sure it would work for me. Unfortunately, I just sat on the toilet for hours. We did everything we could to go into labor on our own, but Windy just wasn't ready to come out. The next doctor visit, which was on thursday, me and my midwife discussed both of our concerns and I agreed that sunday I would come in for an induction if I didn't go into labor by then. When I got home from my doctor appointment that thursday, I ended up losing my mucus plug early friday morning. I was so happy that I cried because that is usually a sign that I would go into labor shortly. Unfortunately I didn't go into labor on my own after that. I am happy that I got to experience the excitement of me losing the mucus plug though. Each day grew closer and closer to the big day and every night before bed I would tell my body that I am ready, in hopes it would listen. Saturday night, before the big day, I went out side and sat on my grandmammas porch. It was fairly warm and it was extremely Windy. I tried to meditate and relax my mind and body. I remember rubbing my belly talking to Windy, letting her know that we're all ready for her to come out and that I couldn't wait to meet here and to be her mother. I felt like I was talking to her through the wind that night. That next morning I woke up having mixed emotions. I was disappointed that I couldn't go into labor on my own, but I was excited because regardless I would be holding my baby soon. We got all of our bags packed and put them in grandmammas car. I was supposed to check in the hospital by 8 that morning. I remember on the way there I was still telling my self that there was still hope, that I could go into labor before I got there, or before they started the pitocin. Once I got settled in and hooked up to the hospital bed, I started having anxiety. They started me on pitocin at 10 that morning. I remember my blood presssure was through the roof once they started it because I was so scared. Scared of how my baby was going to take the pitocin, and scared of how I was going to manage the contractions. If you are induced with pitocin you have to be hooked up on continuous fetal monitoring which means you are stuck to the bed. So I was scared how I was going to be able to handle my contractions if I couldn't move around. This depressed me. The only time I was aloud up is when I had to pee. And I had to pee every hour so I took advantage of that time I had to get out of bed to move my hips, stretch, walk and change positions. The next morning they started me back on pitocin at 8. At 12 o'clock I felt like I had to have a bowel movement. I called the nurse in to unhook me and I started to feel a lot of pressure in my bottom. Once I stood up my water had broken! I remember feeling so excited. My heart was pounding out of my chest because I was so happy I got to experience the surprise of my water breaking. An hour before that, the doctor came in and checked to see how far dilated I was and he said that he was going to break my water if I didn't progress, so this was an extremely happy moment for me and mikie. Right when my water broke, I went into labor and started to feel contractions. Mikie sat on the side of the bed with me and I rocked back and forth to manage the pain. The nurses kept coming in and asking me if I wanted an epidural. That was annoying because I told them ahead of time that I was going to do it on my own and I would let them know if I needed it. Me and mikie learned all kinds of different pain management techniques for laboring naturally. Mikie learned different massages to give me to help ease the pain but we didn't use them because I couldn't stand to be touched while I was having a contraction. ahaha. I was so easily aggravated. I couldn't stand to listen to noise or even when mikie when breath out of rythm I would snap at him. Once I went into labor mikie called our families and told our friends. The nurses then started to prepare the birthing room. I labored naturally without pain medicine for about 2 hours before I decided I needed pain medicine. Me and mikie talked about our birthing plan and decided that we wanted to try stadol, a drug that takes the edge off of the contractions and causes droopiness, before we considered the epidural. I remember feeling so loopy but still being able to feel the contractions. Once the birthing room was ready the nurses moved me in there and hooked me back up to the bed. My mom and little sister arrived shortly after I got settled in. Once they got there the contractions started to get much more intense. I couldn't bare it any longer, so I told my mom and mikie to find the nurse and let them know I wanted an epidural. It felt like it took forever for the anesthesiologist to get there! I was pretty unpleasant at this time. When he got there, I sat on the side of the bed and had to sit extremely still while he put the catheter in my back. I couldn't feel anything from my hips down. The nurses came in periodically to check and see how dilated I was and once the doctor came back in he said I wasn't progressing the way he wanted me to and said I would most likely need a c-section from where I am an overdue pregnancy. He seemed so eager to do the c-section. Once I heard this I started to ball my eyes out and couldn't control myself and emotions. He said it so lightly, like it was no big deal. Me and my family all cried at this news and prepared ourselves just in case. At one point I started to feel really nauseated and started to throw up. Then Windy's heart rate started to drop. The nurses flew in the room and rolled me over to my side to take pressure off the cord in hopes that would make her heart rate go back to normal. This happened many times that night. My mom was by my side the last time it happened because mikie had walked to the vending machine. I got nauseous again and tried to control it because I was scared her heart rate would drop again. And sure enough I couldn't control it and it dropped again. At this time my epidural was wearing off because the catheter had fell out of my back and I was starting to feel awful contractions. The doctor came in immidiatly and checked me. I was dilated 8 cm and he said that If I didnt dilate to 10 cm soon then they were defintly going to do the c-section because the babies heart rate was dropping. I was in a state of panic once I heard him say that again and on top of that I was worried about Windy's heart rate dropping so I actually begged for a c-section. This took mikie and my family by surprise because they knew how bad I wanted to avoid that, but I was in a state of panic. So the doctor actually takes me up on that, eager to cut me open, he yelled out, "she wants a section, lets get ready" Ten minutes later a new anesthesiologist comes in and puts my epidural back in, to prepare for the c-section. Once they lifted me up on the bed I started to feel much better, but he still had to put it back in because they thought I was going to have a cesarean. At 2:00am, me, mikie, my family, and the doctors and nurses are extremely tired and we are just waiting. My mid wife finally makes it to my room and once my pain subsided and I got back to my right mind, we decided to wait an hour before we do the c-section. At 2:45am, I told my mom that I felt a lot of pressure in my bottom. I felt like windy was coming down. We told the nurse and she checked and her face said it all once she checked me. She said Windy was about an inch from the world. She started to say in excitement and suprise "Shes ready to push" I cried because I was so happy that we didn't have to go threw the c-section. My midwife came in with dreary eyes and checked me and was surprised. They turned on the incubator and brought a table in with a blue cloth under all of the tools. Me and mikie couldn't stop smiling at each other. I watched his facial expression as the nurses and my midwife was preparing. My midwife went through everything with me about how to push down for 10 seconds when they tell me to. She then started to give me a perineum massage which will help prevent tearing as I push. My mom held one leg up and the nurse held the other while we prepared for my next contraction. Before I knew it the nurses, mikie, and my family started to cheer me on as I pushed. It was difficult to push because I had no feeling in my waste down. I had to rely on others to help me move my body. 25 minutes later windy was crowning and the nurses were talking about how long her hair was and the midwife was playing with her hair before my next contraction. I told mikie to look down because I couldn't see, and he was grinning from ear to ear, although he did look somewhat pale. aha. Windy came out after one more push and the nurses lied her on top of my belly and we locked eyes. We were all so over joyed by her presence. Windy was wide eyed and ready to go. She was only on my belly just for a moment before they had to take her to the incubator to suck out all of the meconium in her lungs. I could not take my eyes off of her. We went through so much together and it felt so surreal that she was finally here. She looked rather small than I thought she was going to be. According to my last ultra sound she was 7lbs 15 oz, so i expected an 8 lb 9lb baby, but she was only 7 lbs 8oz, which is average. The nurses said that they had to take her to the nursery to clean her off and do her apgar test, mikie went with the nurses while I stayed in the room to pass my placenta. I wanted to just get up go with my new family so bad but I was still on pitocin, and my bottom half was still numb. I waited an hour before mikie came back. I heard the lullaby play over the intercom and all I could do was close my eyes and smile. After an hour I was able to get up to go to the bathroom and then made my way to the room where me, mikie and windy would be staying. Windy was born at 3:00 am on a Tuesday morning and weighed 7lbz 8 oz. 19 1/2 inches long. Windy was born the day before my 20th birthday.
When I got to the room a nurse came in and asked me if I wanted to supplement feed her since I was too tired to breast feed. Although I knew that they didn't need to bed fed immediately after birth, I agreed because I was too restless to ask questions and argue. The next morning me and windy got to bond immediately after I started breastfeeding.
I am so proud of the decision I made to wait another week in a half before agreeing to be induced. If I would have stuck with MCHC and go by the rules of their practice, Windy would have been a lot smaller and I would have most likely needed a cesarean. I now believe that the ultra sound I had was wrong because Windy was born at the average birth weight of a 40 week old baby. I also know that if it wasn't for the support of my boyfriend, mikie, my family, and my lamaze teacher, It would have been more difficult to make that decision.
What concerns me now is how many women take the doctors word for whats best for their body and their babies. I am extremely offended by the fact that doctors don't trust a woman' s body to go into labor on her own. In case many have forgotten, women were made for childbirth. Our bodies and our babies know when the right time to go into labor is. No matter how many degrees a person may have in the medical field, a woman's body still trumps them. What I learned during my pregnancy was to listen to my intuition and to my body. Although I had a doctor and a midwife tell me what I needed to do, my body was saying something different. I am so grateful that I found a midwife last minute that understands this process and respected my choices. Many aren't so lucky and don't even know it.
